Overdue update

Yes.
After almost two years.
I miss blogging and typing and writing.

A message. A line. A border. A blessing.

This is my playground. Hence... people who still came and visit this place of mine should be invited.

May Allah bless.
May Allah ease.

May we all surrounded by barakah.

Do pray for us.
May you, me, us be reunited again in the Jannatul Firdaus.

Syaitan

Kata seorang 'alim,

Jangan kita mengutuk syaitan secara terang-terangan sedangkan ketika bersendiri kitalah pengikutnya yang paling setia.

Aduhhh, manusia ini. Sudahlah diri penuh dosa. Mahu pula mengutuk dosa orang lain. Apakah kita ini terlalu baik?

Sedang orang lain sifat dosanya itu cuma berbeza rona sahaja dengan kita. Bukannya kita ini yang terlalu maksum. Cepat benar melatah saat orang lain melakukan dosa.

Astaghfirullah  Astaghfirullah.
Isilah masamu dengan perkara  bermanfaat.
Nescaya dosa itu tidak mahu hinggap.

I miss thee

I miss thee;
words.
blogs.
writings.
readings.
knowledge.
peace.
victory.


and Masr.

Two Figures

The story of Abu Bakr and Umar.
No matter how much you read about them, you'll never get bored, you'll never stop wonder. Amazing. And my mind cant stop uttering 'Ya Rabb, what a story. Ya Rabb, what a life. Ya Rabb, what an example.'
Their story... we should entitle as 'evergreen'. A non-fiction story of sacrificing and racing towards Allah!
Miracle.
It does happen in real life. And I just wonder how human, the weak thoughtless creature was given a gift called 'Muhammad: The Prophet' peace be upon him; the most-ever-perfect-est creature living among them.
Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad. I miss him. And I really want to be with him in Jannah. I want to meet him. I want to see him, smiling at me. Giving me advises, giving me glad tidings, mentioning my name, calling me as his beloved.

Oh... what a pleasure after the pleasure of seeing Your Lord's Face.

O'Allah. Please make me be a grateful servant.

Stare

Does every flower really catch the bee?

Or everywhere I path on, I must caught the eyes around to be fixed at me?

Or every time I read and scribbling while enjoying my time-books-coffee-meal outside the house, I'll catch somebody's eyes already staring at me for a long time and smiled while watching every single move I did?

Do I actually crave for being the center of attention, till I became one?

Lord... I'm not comfortable.

Is it me who didn't lower my gaze that cause uninvited eyes to lay down on me?

Lord, forgive me, protect me.

Provision

Nikmat itu boleh datang dalam pelbagai bentuk. 

Mungkin harta melimpah ruah. Juga makanan yang mengenyangkan.

Mentari yang bersinar atau bayu yang dingin. 

Boleh jadi masa yang lapang atau kefahaman yang jitu.

Seiring teman bercanda tangis atau keluarga aman bahagia.

Mungkin juga sekadar senyuman dan jiwa yang tenang.

Atau yang paling bermakna, khusyuk dalam solat serta ikhlas dalam ibadat.

Dan kalau disyukuri... barangkali kesemuanya dan lebih lagi.

Denouement

I get cranky easily. Nowadays. Even the slightest word or act irritates me so much. I'm a kind of don't like answering many questions (especially when the question sounds silly or provocative to me or the question is something about me that I didn't want to talk about it) when people asked me. Hence, I just hang the questions in the air. Too bad isn't it. This isn't really me. I just do that when I'm emotionally unstable. Speak good or remain silent. There's no good when I answer the question in a bad way.

One side of me blame the PMS. Yet, half of me believe it is not PMS. @-)

I just think... too many mountains toppled upon each other.

And I at last decided to detach myself. I went to a place where I used to spend entangling myself. I went to a place where people appreciate me. A place where people don't force me to do this and that. And place where people barely know how I react in my normal life. A place where people said to me, 'I'm gonna miss you when you're not here anymore' when I'm leaving.

I left all my 'normal' books. Only bring those I need to bring to school everyday. I left the internet. Except for certain emails and FB that I need to check every other day for maybe no more than 1 hours.

Well... it was a good try. Alhamdulillah. At least I don't get too cranky as before (I know there're still cranky part in me left of course). Just when I reached home, people aka housemates kept asking why I left home so long and roommate asking me whether I was mad (or take heart) with her. %-( There comes my cranky part again when people asked too many questions. I don't answer them. I just said to my heart, don't ask question that you're not ready to hear the answer. Heh. Sounds cruel.

There's a thin line between being honest and humiliate someone. And I know the line well. That's why I choose not to answer especially when I feel there is spark inside. Just keep fighting. On and on. Maybe this is the way Allah teaches me patience. I should learn the lesson well right.

Oh yeah. I still don't know why I get cranky lately. To be honest, I didn't find it yet. Whatever the reason is, please pray I get my normal 'calm' self again. And pray for my exam after tomorrow.

Lagniappe

When the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.

We go ups and downs. And I think it is a given gift to me. Maybe other people think it's just next to nothing. But for me, it's kind of a bolus of booster.

I just happened to dig, reading and trying to digest Risalah Ta'alim. And the next day, I got message that we're able to meet three (yes, not only one) figures of Ikhwan Muslimin. The chance come only once in blue moon.

Dr. Hisham Sakr, Dr. Istisyhad al-Banna and Dr. Magdy Hilali.

Dr. Hisham Sakr talked about his experience. And he is a man of Da'wah truly from his message. He touched the soft spot inside. It makes me think again. Deep inside. His words make me reminiscing my own intention, my own effort.

He said, once the devil whisper to us; It's enough with what you've done, say to his face, 'Am I going to say to Allah 'it's enough'?

Right. Your deed is enough to gain Jannah? No. It's never enough. Whenever you feel tired, lots of thing to be done and you can't even get enough sleep. Then, you know you're on the right track. If you still have leisure time... just know... there's something wrong. And we need to recheck our intention.

Dr. Istisyhad talked much about her grandfather and her father. I almost cried when she said 'I never get the chance to meet my father'. Just in case you still remember that Dr. Istisyhad was born on the day of Imam Hassan al-Banna martyrdom. It's like a dream to meet her in person. Alhamdulillah for this indescribable moment and feelings. Lord, bless her and her whole family.

She also told us about her mother, a woman that is ready to sacrifice everything, truly understanding, patient and persevere for Islam and da'wah. During that era, women did not really going out and preaching people. They give everything by supporting their husband. Giving up all the luxuries, the ornaments she had for da'wah. 

When Imam Hassan al-Banna came home, she prepared the house and the food so that her husband could rest peacefully after huge effort he spent outside. She was the one responsible for their children education when her husband was too busy. And subhanallah... all of Imam Hassan al-Banna and Latifah as-Suli's children spent their life in this noble path and known worldwide for their specialties. Dr. Istisyhad herself is an Islamic Economist.

Dr.Magdy Hilali, the writer that I admire so much. And by his tough personality... he reminds me of Umar al-Khattab. He didn't talk much, didn't joke, didn't smile much. Yet, he is a man full of charisma and pure-hearted. He went straight to the point talked about balance in life. He reminded us that the biggest thing that stop us from reaching Allah SWT is our nafs. Our desire.

May Allah grant us nafs al-Mutmainnah. May He always help us to guide our way. And May Allah reunite us in Jannah again.

When you listened to inspirational people... you'll always feel inspired and you feel like inspiring people. 

O' Lord I seek refuge from knowledge that doesn't benefit, from heart that doesn't fear You, from deeds that You will not accept and from supplications that You did not listen and answer.

You know how does it feel like? It feels like exhaling your past-self and inhaling a new soul.

Istabraq

O'Allah... if You took the two for two istabraqain, I'm honoured.
Please O' Allah....
I want to stay in Jannatul Firdaus. Close to You. Close to Your beloved. Please....

Une Dame

If you want to be treat as a lady. Act like a lady. Treat yourself like a lady.

To be a girl, its the matter of birth.

To be a woman, its the matter of years.

To be a lady, its the matter of choice.

This is what my doctor said. Actually when he said this I just remembered that one day I was in the metro. I was unable to catch the ladies' coach. Then, in next station, a young man with earphones plugged in his ears, a luggage came in the coach. I was standing there between a pregnant lady sitting on the seat and the young man who just came in and sat on his luggage.

My brain wandered somewhere that time. And out of blue, the young man suddenly offered me to sit on his luggage. I repeatedly said, 'no thanks. I'm okay.'

He really insisted me. Everybody in the metro watched us like there was a drama there. I was sooo ashamed for being the subject of attraction that time till I blushed (Okay. FYI, I rarely-extremely-rare blushed). Actually I was afraid my weight going to crash his luggage. Heh! Craps. Of course he is heavier than me. :P

But at last I replied, I was going to stop at the next station (means no more than five minutes). I'm okay with standing. And he sat back on his luggage. With a frustrated face. People still stare at me. GULP! I feel guilty now.

And tadaaaa... back to my doctor. He said, 'if someone offered you his place accept it and treat yourself as a lady. It's an honour to that man if you accept it.'

I was like. OMG! What I've done. My guilt surrounds me back. Did I humiliate him by my rejection?

After that... I treat myself as a lady. If a man open the door for me, I accept it. If a man give me his seat. I gladly accept.

To avoid self-guilty? Yes, I am! Well, ladies... just treat yourself as a lady. ;)

 

p/s: That young man reminds me of Raef at the first glance. But I know it wasn't him. (I guess so. Na... I'm sure :P)

Sunset

Listening to birds chirping. Feeling the breeze. Watching the Nile flowing.

The sun is setting down.

I feel close to Him. So close. Enough.

That was yesterday rhymes.

Everyday you'll face people. And afflicted by their ethics and behaviours. 

Yes, of course some of them will break your nerves right away they met your eyes.

And I choose to not to be close to them. Most of the time, I avoid talking to them. Because the warmness of ukhuwwah has been cold deep down to negative degrees by their ethics. Frustrated. Yes. I am. Because they know the things they hate and they still do that to other people. They know the things you hate, and still do that to you.

So... is it my problem when I choose to avoid the precipitating factors than treating the breaking nerves?

As long as I didn't shout unpleasant words, that's go fine with me.
With others, heh. That's their problem right?

Allah knows how much that hurts. Allah know how much effort I put to resist it. Nothing in ourselves is hidden from His sight. I'm just lucky enough for not facing what Prophet Nuh faced before, being laughed and scorned for making ship on top of the hill.

There's much more thing we need to do. Should those kind of little thorns on our way to Jannah bother us?
Heh. I'm going to continue walking. Full stop.

Yes. They aren't perfect. So I should forgive them.
So do I. I choose my own way to react. So, forgive me.


Hasbunallah wani'mal wakeel! That's the magic word I used all the times.

10 Happy Things

Our professor asked us to write 10 happy things in certain minutes that we found till the psychiatric class.

And I found... actually there are more than 10. Okay. I think I can write them here though.

1-Wake up in the morning.
2-Get ready to school.
3-Give my housemates the souvenir from Korea that our friends gave and see their smiles.
4-Take sip of warm coffee before going to class. :)
5-Get my fave milk choc from the freeze for instant breakfast in class
6-Talk to my dear Cik B during our walk to school about this and that.
5-Watch the Nile is flowing.
6-Feel the cooling breezing blow my jacket.
7-See someone. Oh no. Actually 'watching' people I adore. haha! (please don't be misunderstood. I love watching people) ;)
8-Recite my fave prayers and mathurat while waiting for the doctor to come
9-Learn new things I never know before.
10-Listen to beloved dear professor that inspire me so much. Oh yes, he did much!
11-Talk to my friend. And waiting for another friend.
12-Buying brunch together with my friend.
13-My friend taught me bronchial asthma. Yes. I'm happy. :D
14-Enjoy my brunch and another milk choc I bought. LOL!
15-See the Big Ben in our university with the background of cloudy dark blue sky.
16-Been in that psychiatric class. A very nice professor.

Well, that's is it. :D :D

And he said as a conclusion, you can even write hundreds in no time. Because you're happy with it.

I'm second to that!

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Mental Slavery

 

We never know in which essence we manage to be trapped from these kind of 'jail' in our lives nowadays.

None but ourselves can free our minds!

Door

For each thing He precludes me from, I see ample of hidden blessings in it. And I'm redha with it. ~Al-Qasim ibn Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr radhiallahu 'anhum

If Allah close one door, or even multiple doors. He sure will open multiple others for you.

And if you know the mystery behind everything that He forbade you from, your heart sure will burst out of happiness. 

You didn't own the treasure of Your Lord. And He'll give the blessings upon those He love.

Ahhh... Allah is just sooo sweet. Alhamdullilah.

Rainbow

If I don't find you here.
Say if I don't find you here.
I hope I find you way up there. 

Heart

Nobody has the ability to 'read' a heart. It's a blessing, despite we long for it.
Nobody has the ability to 'hold' a heart. It's a blessing, Allah hold our hearts altogether.

Hearts own a language. They speak to each other. They touch each other. They communicate with each other. They recognize each other, appreciate and respect each other.

Just I hope, we speak the same wavelength.
May Allah tie our hearts with His Mercies toward His Love. May the seed of love being nurtured, grow and touch the heaven.

And I deeply hope for this.

For the sake of our ummah. Because we're the small bricks that form the 'ummah' building. We don't push each other, yet we strengthen each other. All of us are count and without any of us, the building will crack.

Just, if you know. I silently pray you know it.

Hey ya

The picture is ya latest gift to ya granny. When ya granny said, she felt like eating chocolate moist cake. And ya knew, there's no other to bake it.
Luckily ya granny, aunties and cousins enjoyed it in Ramadhan.


Hey ya,
May Allah grant ya life as long as ya benefit others.
And may Allah raise ya up to be beside Him when ya no longer benefit others.

Hey ya,
May Allah bless ya life, age, and everything ya do.

Hey ya, hey us,
Happy 22th birthday!

Post Eid al-Adha

Allah has His own way to teach His servants. A fact that is almost being forgotten.

Stack of bricks inside after piles of events. A lesson-full Eid.

Too tired to stay on the ground. Too eager to fly back and see thing from above. Everything will get smaller from above view. Nothing seems bigger than You when You're in front of the eyes.

It's like Allah wants to help you to prove what you've said. So that every word when being count, is countable and proven as good deed. Swallow the bitterness of trials to get the sweetness of iman. Kneel down after multiple strikes upon each other, kiss the ground and prostrate to Him.

Whatever, whatever... as long as You grant me patience and strength. Whatever as long as You remember me. Whatever as long as You look at me with mercy.

Allah, whatever. Whatever upon me as long as You be pleased with me. Whatever, as long as You accept my love.

Whatever, whatever... as long as I can fly to You.

Planning

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah. :)

I was actually stumbled upon the beautiful verses of the al-Quran during my classes. It almost unbelievable to see that history is repeating itself.

And I just get to know how does the wife of Prophet Lut fell into the bad mannered people category. Did you remember what the nation of Prophet Lut wronged? They acknowledged and performed sodomy. Even if you studied medicine, you'll know that these kind of people is actually abnormal psychologically. The human nature will be attracted to the opposite site. And it can never be the reversed unless he/she has distorted personality and psychology.

Okay, do you remember the story of The Guests of Prophet Ibrahim? The three men who came to Prophet Ibrahim's house and didn't eat the meal. And they also give glad tidings to Prophet Ibrahim about Prophet Ishak is coming soon. :) Despite, they told Prophet Ibrahim they were the Angels sent to destroy the nation of Lut.

The wife of Prophet Lut told the people that she saw three good looking, most handsome men were coming to their land. And the people who 'loved' sodomy were hoping they could do the illegal act together with the three 'super handsome men' she just told. Without realizing that they're coming to destroy them. MashaAllah... I choked listening to the story. Can't believe they would ever think as dirty as that. Nauzubillah min zalik.

So what's about planning? HAHA

Actually it is the second issue. 

There is no wisdom equal to good planning. ~Prophet Muhammad pbuh

Okay, my myself isn't really a good planner. Or a good-planning-runner. Heh. :P 

Yet, I still plan. 

I know it's kind of weird to ask anybody 'what you want you to be in 10 years from now? 25 years? 40 years?' :)

Because actually it's something that everybody should ask themselves. What do you plan? What's your target? And what you're doing to reach your targets?

Somebody might say, we don't even know when we're going to die, so why must we plan? 

That's really a mistake. Fatal mistake? Naa... I call it intentional mistake. :D

We knows that our age is composed of days, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds. And if you plan your 20 years later, to be honest it will change you lifestyle, how do you spend your seconds and minutes completely. This is true. I'm not cheating.

Do you ever think the great people in the world just came like that? Of course not. It comes with effort. They know what they want to be and they work for it. Maybe some of us think it's ridiculous. Heh. Up to you. But before you deny it, have you ever tried? Even once?

The first time I was being asked, it strucks me right to the spot. By that time, I started to think and then wrote down my plans. Doing calculations of the money, the age, the targets, the efforts, the every single thing. Okay sounds crazy. Naa, for the beginning you just have the graph inside your head. Like I did. Then, when it's coming closer, you'll do the calculation unintendedly. 

You plan your single thing and your most prominent thing wisely. So that you will never ever feel you want to waste your time for even one second. You know it's precious and can't be returned back. For say, you'll plan when you'll finish your study, how will you spend on your first salary, when you're going to get married, when will your 10th child be born, etc.

Okay. Laugh. As you want. =)) 

Have a try. It'll help you a lot. Just as you plan for your death. And what you'll prepare to stand in front of Allah soon.

Don't you ever know that planning is a sort of supplication? Don't you ever want Allah grant you what you want? So plan ahead.

Give a try. And have faith. 

You'll reach your targets biiznillah. :)