18 May 2011

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah. :)

Keif hal? Alhamdulillah, kheir. Insya-Allah kullu kheir. 

A long hiatus? It is long. I think so.

Just recovering? ahah. I'm not really sure. 

To be honest, I don't know what am I going to scribble down. The keyboard just being knocked on its own. Haunted keyboard? ahah. Not scary enough though. ;)

What actually happening. Indescribable. I don't know what stops me from writing here. There're too many voices echoing inside that prevent me from filling this 'given' space. Heh. Sounds so physotic. :P

I did it on purpose. I left this space on purpose. I didn't check my blogger dashboard on purpose. I didn't click my link on purpose. I didn't check and reply the comment on purpose. Everything is on purpose. And I'm not lying. 

There will be some time you feel like so energetic in doing what you did, and there will come some time you feel like you're lacking of booster and want to quit. The beloved prophet is so right!

And I may put blogging in one of this matter.

But I dont say 'typing'. Ahaha. I never stop typing. Even for one day. Yes. I typed everywhere I could. ;)

I have many spaces where I could type. Say it. Name it. ;) Some of them, people knew it's me. Some of them, certain people knew it's me. Some of them, only me and another person knew it. Some of them, it's only me, myself and my Lord knew, it's me.

It's not the matter of time. And it is a BIG lie if I say time matter that prevents me from blogging. 

It isn't. It never was. Because I enjoyed blogging. I did it for my own pleasure.

But everything is because of these voices.

Okay. Let me listed the 'voices':

1-Do you type something beneficial or craps actually? Ah! It's more to crap, right?

2-Are you moaning sighing in your entries? Writing about the calamities that befall on you. Asking for people sympathy? Heh. What the...?

3-You know that every letter is counted. And all of them will be your witnesses in front of Your Lord. Dont you ever think of it? Dont you feel afraid of it?

4-Are you telling the world about 'your-precious' self. In the meantime a lady should be or must be so private. 

5-Are you good enough to talk about what you want to type? Are you good enough in advising people, giving your two cents whatsoever? Heh? Sedarlah diri sikit. 

6-People read. And judge at the same time. What kind of person you are going to expose to them? The good one? The sighing one? The happy-go-lucky one? Or what?

7-Are you going to tell people everything? Everything? Including breaking your own secrets, others'? You're not that really good person actually. 

Okay. Enough. Is enough. These voices are provocating enough. 

I just re-evaluating myself. And I did it on purpose in these few days. I re-check my intentions back. I re-check what I wrote in past entries. I re-everything. To be honest. I  felt my life 'incomplete'. Some slices of the pie are missing. Big portion. I tried to go closer to Him, asking Allah to suffice me. These few days. Allahummakfini. Allahummakfini. Allahummakfini.

These things are really intriguing. These are whispers! Whispers that make me feel 'incomplete'.

And one thing I told ya. The syaitan will always and always prevent you from doing good things. Always. Your biggest enemy. The evil whispers will deviate you from your 'intention', will try as much as they can to stop people from doing good deeds. No matter what. In any possible way. 

O'Lord protect me from these evil whispers. 

Genap yang keempat.

Yang awalnya dimulakan dengan satu inti yang lain.

Yang di tengahnya diisi dengan inti yang berbeza.

Yang akhirnya entahkan berhujung bila dan di mana.

Yang dahulunya dipenuhi comot hingusan.

Yang kemudiannya dihiasi tawa dan tangis.

Sememangnya ia rakaman rentetan sebuah revolusi dan evolusi.

Lambungan ombak dunia ke kiri ke kanan.

Tenggelam dan timbul.

Gelap dan cerah.

Menukil entiti seorang insan.

Takkan pernah berhenti selagi masih bernadi.

Semoga bertemu tenang dalam irama sepi.

18 Mei bertamu, berlalu tahun demi tahun.

Rabbi, terima kasih untuk nikmat ini.  :)